Heart. Or in Other Words: Day One.

heart[ hahrt ]
noun
1. a hollow, pump-like organ of blood circulation, composed mainly of rhythmically contractile smooth muscle, located in the chest between the lungs and slightly to the left and consisting of four chambers: a right atrium that receives blood returning from the body via the superior and inferior venacavae, a right ventricle that pumps the blood through the pulmonary artery to the lungs for oxygenation, a left atrium that receives the oxygenated blood via the pulmonary veins and passes it through the mitral valve, and a left ventricle that pumps the oxygenated blood, via the aorta, throughout the body.
2. the analogous contractile structure in invertebrate animals, as the tubular heart of the spider and earthworm.
3. the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion: In your heart you know I’m an honest man.
J4. the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect: His head told him not to fall in love, but his heart had the final say.
5. capacity for sympathy; feeling; affection: His heart moved him to help the needy.
6. spirit, courage, or enthusiasm: His heart sank when he walked into the room and saw their gloomy faces.
7. the innermost or central part of anything: Notre Dame stands in the very heart of Paris.
8. the vital or essential part; core: the heart of the matter.
9. the breast or bosom: to clasp a person to one’s heart.
10. a person (used especially in expressions of praise or affection): dear heart.
11. a conventional shape with rounded sides meeting in a point at the bottom and curving inward to a cusp at the top.
12. a red figure or pip of this shape on a playing card.
13. a card of the suit bearing such figures.
14. a game in which the players try to avoid taking tricks containing this suit.
15. the core of a tree; the solid central part without sap or albumen.
16. good condition for production, growth, etc., as of land or crops.
17. a strand running through the center of a rope, the other strands being laid around it.

verb (used with object)
1. to encourage.
2. to like or enjoy very much; love: I heart Chicago.

Idioms
1. after one’s own heart. In keeping with one’s taste or preference: There’s a man after my own heart!
2. at heart. In reality; fundamentally; basically: At heart she is a romantic.
3. break someone’s heart. To cause someone great disappointment or sorrow, as to disappoint in love: The news that their son had been arrested broke their hearts.
4. by heart. By memory; word-for-word: They knew the song by heart.
5. cross one’s heart. To maintain the truth of one’s statement; affirm one’s integrity: That’s exactly what they told me, I cross my heart!
6. do someone’s heart good. To give happiness or pleasure to; delight: It does my heart good to see you again.
7. eat one’s heart out. To have sorrow or longing dominate one’s emotions; grieve inconsolably: The children are eating their hearts out over their lost dog.
8. from the bottom of one’s heart. With complete sincerity.
9. have a heart. To be compassionate or merciful: Please have a heart and give her another chance.
10. have at heart. To have as an object, aim, or desire: to have another’s best interests at heart.
11. have one’s heart in one’s mouth. To be very anxious or fearful: He wanted to do the courageous thing, but his heart was in his mouth.
12. have one’s heart in the right place. To be fundamentally kind, generous, or well-intentioned: The old gentleman may have a stern manner, but his heart is in the right place.
13. heart and soul. Enthusiastically; fervently; completely: They entered heart and soul into the spirit of the holiday.
14. in one’s heart of hearts. In one’s private thoughts or feelings; deep within one: He knew, in his heart of hearts, that the news would be bad.
15. lose one’s heart to. To fall in love with: He lost his heart to the prima ballerina.
16. near one’s heart. Of great interest or concern to one: It is a cause that is very near his heart.
17. not have the heart. To lack the necessary courage or callousness to do something: No one had the heart to tell him he was through as an actor.
18. set one’s heart against. To be unalterably opposed to: She had set her heart against selling the statue.
19. set one’s heart at rest. To dismiss one’s anxieties: She couldn’t set her heart at rest until she knew he had returned safely.
20. set one’s heart on. To wish for intensely; determine on: She has set her heart on going to Europe after graduation.
21. take heart. To regain one’s courage; become heartened: Her son’s death was a great blow, but she eventually took heart, convinced that God had willed it.
22. to be deeply affected by; grieve over: She was prone to take criticism too much to heart.
23. to one’s heart’s content. Until one is satisfied; as much or as long as one wishes: The children played in the snow to their heart’s content.
24. to be liable to fall in love; fall in love easily: How lovely to be young and wear our hearts on our sleeves!
25. with willingness; cordially: She welcomed the visitors with all her heart.

 

If you just scrolled past that mess I promise you I don’t mind at all.

Somehow when the word “heart” came up this morning in meditation, I was relieved. That’s nut such a scary focus, right? Wrong!

The first problem was that I didn’t even know where to place my focus, certainly the actual organ wasn’t supposed to be my focus, my romantic relationship(s) was.

A word about my personal life here, I’m not going to hold back. I won’t reveal named, in fact I’m going to use mathematic variables to avoid that, nor will I reveal personal details about them, but I will willing and consciously reveal them about myself. This is open to the public for viewing, and for most of my life my innermost feelings haven’t been, and for most of my life I’ve felt as if people don’t really care about me, they care about the person the think I am or want me to be. Coincidence? I happen to think there’s no such thing. The only way for me to change that is to rock my whole-ness. And my heart, sexuality, secrets, vulnerabilities, dreams and craziness are part of that.

Back my day, romantic bullshit really just wasn’t resonating. Though my  recent agony over being in love with 2 men, who shall now be know as X and Y, had broken, beaten, and mashed me, I was feeling a lot better about it, though not entirely healed. So romance gave way to love.

Love.

A loaded little word isn’t it?

It’s nearly impossible to define, but the closest I’ve gotten to a definition of love it this: a sense of appreciation so intense that it makes one’s heart flow over with golden ultraviolet light. This doesn’t mean that I love people just for doing things, that’s not appreciation. Not really, at least. I appreciate the opportunities people present to me, when they ask for help, I appreciate that they had the courage and trust to be venerable enough to ask.

This was only part of what the day meant for me though. My confusion is what lead me to the dictionary, which ultimately lead me to a nap.

When I woke up I was thinking about heart lines, and my heart chakra. I have a water heart line. Its said that a person with a water heartline is all about connection, in fact, that is the non-negotiable need. This person is emotional loving person who expresses feelings easily. This fits me perfectly, and I am at peace with that.

My heart chakra, well that’s more complicated. This chakra is all about love, caring, and endearment. When open, you seem to be compassionate and friendly, always working in amicable relationships. If it’s under-active: you tend to be cold and unfriendly. If it’s over-active: you tend to be so “loving” towards people that you suffocate them, and you could be seen as selfish for it.  I did some checking in and meditation on my heart chakra, beginning with my base chakras first, to keep myself grounded and discovered a lot of hurt, and even more light there. I’m planning on continuing to work on this chakra some more.

I have a deep belief that our body parts are tied to our mental thoughts, and to me my heart is metaphysically symbolic of the authentic self, and ones own joy- a vessel for life, and light, and love.

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