I think I made it ten days? Eleven? Who knows. I’m not gunna go look, that would just make me hate myself a bit. I really wanted to write, every day, most wouldn’t judge me if they knew why I went missing completely, the past few days, lets just leave it at there has been some horrible family shit going on. That’s besides the point, I faltered, I failed, but I haven’t given up.
I genuinely considered faking blog entries from previous days, and blaming the resulting weirdness on wordpress’ shittyness, and then when the smallness of that made me shrink, I considered admitting defeat, and taking down this whole thing, in the name of grief. Know what though? I really didn’t want to do either of those things.
Even if I make mistakes, I choose to see myself as perfectly flawed. So here I am baring my authenticity, I feel vulnerable, scared, shaken, lost, sick, disgusted, worthless, and bleak. The thing is, it’ll all be okay. I am in control of my own life, and happiness, though I can not control circumstance, nor do I want too, because oh, what a wonderful ride it is.
So, I stumbled, I didn’t write, but I want too, so now I’m going too.
Re. Day 14.
contraction of are: They’re leaving.
noun Egyptian Religion .
Symbol, Chemistry .
a prefix, occurring originally in loanwords from Latin, used with the meaning “again” or “again and again” to indicate repetition, or with the meaning “back” or “backward” to indicate withdrawal or backward motion: regenerate; refurbish; retype; retrace; revert.
Middle English < Latin re-, red-
(Dictionaries have freaking everything!)
Renew. Rebirth. Restate.
I think its such a powerful little prefix.